


Coming Home

by acquiescence_ (malawi)



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-03
Updated: 2010-08-03
Packaged: 2017-10-10 22:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malawi/pseuds/acquiescence_
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris has been trained as a companion, but he has gone years without an assignment being made. When it seems like one will never come, he is finally given an assignment. His joy at this is brief though when he learns that Adam doesn't want him. Adam has lived on his own for years now, and he doesn't like the idea of being forced to open his life and his home to a stranger thrust upon him. The two must learn to live together and figure out how to make this assignment work for the both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Home

Adam didn't want him, Kris could see that. Despite the ceremony and the gracious acceptance of the assignment - it was plain on his face for Kris - and the rest of the world - to see that Adam was only doing this out of some sense of loyalty and tradition. It was humiliating in so many ways, Kris had waited so long for this - years of thinking perhaps he would never get an assignment, of whispers, of suggestions that he stay on at the temple as an instructor, that he was getting too old to make a proper companion.

To now finally have his assignment, but to see so clearly that he wasn't wanted - it was almost too much to take. Some small part of Kris thought he might have preferred to just continue on without the assignment and become an instructor like so many had suggested.

He didn't let any of this show on his face though, Kris had been taught better than that – and after years at the temple only the Clerics and a few other unassigned Companions knew proper behavior as well as Kris did. He kept his face even, and didn't show any of the emotions warring inside him as he sat with Adam through the ceremony.

Assignments were supposed to be an honor, not everyone was lucky enough to be able have an assignment given to them - so those who were lucky enough were always grateful. It was unusual that someone would look so obviously displeased with their assignment - the Clerics put so much work into the assignments, making sure that things would work out, that the couples were suited for one another, that they matched on every level - it was the only way for their system to work.

And yet Adam was so obviously displeased by this assignment, Kris couldn't help but wonder if there was something about him that Adam found so off putting. He quickly rifled through his years of training, trying to decide what was the best course of action in this case, it would be easier if Adam would tell him what was wrong with him so that he could fix it, of course with the ceremony still going on - assignments still being made, pairs of obviously pleased couples crossing the high platform looking like they had never expected anything so wonderful as the assignment they were given - all Kris could do was sit there for now and wait for things to calm down again. And hope that Adam would be open to telling him just what had displeased him so greatly so early into their assignment.

The ceremony seemed to drag on forever; Kris remembered the annual ceremonies of years past while he waited for this one to reach its completion. Each year hoping that it would be the year he finally received his assignment, hoping that it would be the year that he was finally able to do something more with his life, that he would finally be allowed to truly serve the way he'd always been meant to. But each year he was passed by, left feeling that there was something lacking in him, some part of his training that he had not completed to satisfaction, some part of his personality that made him impossible to place.

And yet when he asked the Clerics all they could tell him was that they had not found the right match for him - told him to hold to patience and remember that it was for his own good that they waited. There were stories of assignments that had been rushed, back when all of this was still new - when the clerics were still figuring out how all of this should work, stories about assignments turned bad. Companions who came back to the temple broken, some who would never come back at all.

It was better not to think about the assignments, to focus on training, on being better, on service. And Kris had been good about that; he was dedicated to the system. He'd been there at the Temple for years, learning as much as he could and waiting for his own assignment to finally come - but as each year passed, as he grew older and watched others receive their assignments while he was passed over again and again, Kris couldn't help but wonder about the assignments. Whether the people he'd gone to classes with, the people he had trained with - if they were happy with their assignments, if the stories they had heard about some assignments gone wrong were just stories, or if there was some bit of truth to them.

It was foolish to think like that, and yet Kris had been unable to help himself. And now as he sat with Adam he couldn't stop those feelings of misgiving, what if this was one of those assignments they had heard about? What if he ended up being one of the unlucky few? Would anyone even care?

He grew more and more nervous the longer this went on, his training slipping little by little the longer the ceremony went on. It had never seemed this long in the past, it should have been over by now shouldn't it? The sun was hot on the back of his neck, seeping into his skin, warming the new band around his neck, and making him uncomfortable, he wanted to squirm into the bit of shade where Adam sat, but he didn't dare move closer. Instead he clutched his hands in his lap, and tried not to move them no matter how strong the urge was.

"Be still," Kris was startled at the smooth voice that came from beside him, and darted a quick look at Adam who was giving him the same disapproving look he had since the assignment had been made. "Relax." Adam spoke again; his voice more soothing than his expression, and Kris took a slow breath and forced himself to relax the way Adam had told him to, though it wasn't an easy feat.

He could feel Adam's eyes on him after that, watching him, though Kris didn't dare raise his eyes to look at Adam again, once had been more than enough for one afternoon. He could wait until they were in private to try something like that again, for now he would sit and behave, and endure what remained of the assignment ceremony, no matter how long it seemed to drag on.

 

* * *

  
Adam's home was large, larger than Kris would have expected, and larger than seemed right for someone who lived on his own – but after so many years of living at the Temple perhaps any place where Kris didn't have to share a room with ten other men was going to seem big.

It would take him some time to learn the place well enough to move around as quickly as he would like, but he did his best to learn the path that Adam took him guided him on..

"This will be your room." Adam stopped outside one room, and Kris was surprised. It was unusual for companions to have their own room - though it was obvious that Adam had more than enough space, Kris couldn't help being taken aback. He'd always been taught that he'd share a room when he finally got his assignment, taking care of Adam was all part of his duties now – and how could he do that if he wasn't with him?

Kris stood outside of the room and looked in, it was sparse, but so was the rest of Adam's home – at least what he'd seen of it. It was nice of course; nicer than any home Kris had known up to this point, but that was to be expected of course.

"Is something the matter?" Adam asked, Kris had been so lost in his own thoughts about the room and Adam's home and what all of this meant that he hadn't noticed the way Adam watched him – the hard lines from earlier in the day were smoothed out now, and he looked almost concerned for Kris as he waited for his answer.

"No … I mean, no of course not – I just…" Kris trailed off looking back into the room again and back at Adam. "At the Temple, it was part of our training." Kris had never felt so out of sorts, he wasn't sure where he should look, if he should continue speaking at all. He'd never found himself in this sort of situation – he'd always been the calm and confident one, and yet to have Adam looking at him. Those deep blue eyes staring at him waiting for him, all his years of training simply slipped away and his mind was completely blank. "I'm supposed to care for you." He finished with a sigh.

Adam's face hardened again and he shook his head and Kris wondered what he'd said wrong. "No, no that is not what you're here for. If I wanted a whore I could get one on my own."

Kris recoiled from the words, he was not a whore – it was an honor to be chosen to become a Companion, to learn at the Temple, to have the Clerics make your placement. This, all of this was about so much more than what Adam was suggesting, only those who truly needed the help of a companion were chosen for assignments. Only those who needed care in all aspects of their lives were given the responsibility to care for a Companion.

"That's not what I meant." Kris said quietly, though his mind formed the connections between what he'd asked and Adam's reactions for him.

"You don't have to do that here." Adam said, his voice soothing now, like he was worried he'd hurt Kris. All of this was so confusing, and it was only the first day, a very small part of him missed the Temple all ready. He'd been waiting for this assignment for years now, wondering what it would be like, picturing how his companion would look at him after the assignment had been made – and from the very moment the assignment had been made, none of it matched even Kris' wildest imaginings.

Kris nodded, looking back at the room again. He could do this though, that was what all his years of training had been for. He could take care of Adam as much as he would let him for now, and slowly show him what else he could do. These things could take time, Kris knew that, and he was nothing if not patient. And while he had hoped for something more from the start Kris could let Adam adjust to this.

"Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house." Adam's voice interrupted his thoughts again.

Adam had started walking without Kris, and without so much as a backwards glance to see if Kris was following him – though there shouldn't have been any doubt of that in anyone's mind. Kris was lead through the rest of the house, though there were a few rooms that Adam avoided, and Kris wondered what was behind those doors as they passed them by, but didn't ask. If Adam wanted him to know he would have told him - or at least Kris hoped he would. It was so difficult for him to get a read on Adam; he seemed very put out by this entire arrangement and yet occasionally gave Kris a look that said he would have liked what he could offer him.

"Do you have anything to keep yourself busy with?" Adam asked when it became clear they had finished with the tour.

"Anything you want me to do." Kris answered simply.

Adam sighed, like he was frustrated but Kris couldn't determine the reason for it. "But you don't have like a job or something?"

"This is my job." Kris said slowly, surely Adam knew, that was the whole purpose of him being there. Everyone knew the job of a companion. "Anything you require is what should keep me busy." It felt like he was explaining this to a child, but Adam should know, even those who were not given companions knew why the system had been put in place. And they knew the purpose of a companion, so why was it that Adam didn't seem to understand?

"We'll have to find you something to do then." Adam said finally, and Kris simply nodded.

 

* * *

  
Adam hadn't wanted this assignment, he had been perfectly fine without it - hell he'd managed to live the majority of his life without someone following him around offering to wipe his ass, he didn't understand why now he was suddenly being given an assignment that he didn't want. He'd always thought the assignments had been for people who needed them, that was what the Clerics were always going on about.

Assignments were for the good of the people, there were those who just needed a little extra support in their lives, and those who were just made to be the sort of support they needed - Adam still had doubts about that little bit of trivia, but that wasn't the point right now.

The point was there was a man living in his house now, a man he didn't know, a man he'd never met before - who was apparently supposed to be there to take care of him. And far from welcome that fact it pissed him off, he didn't need help. He had always been perfectly capable of taking care of himself and nothing had changed that fact. He didn't need anyone walking on eggshells around him the way everyone seemed to think they needed to these days, and he certainly didn't need Kris following him around trying to be helpful.

Adam watched Kris during the day, he had done his best to find as many things as he could to fill up Kris's time - the last thing he wanted was Kris trying to find him to see what else he could do for him, it was bad enough having him there at the start and the end of each day, looking so eager to help - like he wanted nothing more than to do anything Adam would have him do. It made him sick to think about that.

No one in his family had a companion before, it had just not even been something they had considered. They were in the arts, they were musicians and artists, his father had been a writer - companions were very rarely given to those in such frivolous fields. They were usually saved for those with the more difficult jobs, scientists, researchers, the warriors, people whose lives were full of stress. People who actually contributed to society as he heard it said occasionally - though Adam had never had issue with his chosen profession. It was what he was good at - and that was the call of their society. Everyone did what they were good at.

Which was why he found it strange that some were apparently only good at serving; the entire idea of companions, of the structure of the companion system - it rubbed him the wrong way and it always had. And now to have one thrust upon him, having one live with him in his home trying to do everything in his power to wheedle his way into Adam's bed? It was almost too much for him to deal with on top of everything else.

He sat in his rooms most often, avoiding Kris as best he could. Though when that was an impossibility he watched the younger man. He pretended to be reading or busy with paperwork or very focused on anything other than Kris, but in fact nearly his entire focus was on the younger man - watching as he went about his chores, cleaning and straightening, organizing and stacking, doing anything Adam told him to do and seeming quite happy to be doing it - like all those years he had spent at the Temple really did make him good at only this. At service.

He thought about going to the temple, contesting the assignment that first day - but the look on Kris's face at the assignment ceremony, looking at the way he'd fidgeted and so obviously worried over Adam's opinion of him, Adam couldn't bring himself to do it - stars only know what Kris would think of himself if he was returned. Though Adam wasn't even sure if that sort of thing was allowed - he'd certainly never heard of an assignment being dissolved without merit. It was always for something like an owner who played too rough, someone who didn't know how to keep his toys in working order. And Adam shuddered to think about the sort of place Kris could have found himself in - and he decided it wouldn't be too much trouble for him to keep Kris. To have him help out around the house occasionally - perhaps he could even get Kris to consider something different for himself. Something other than a life of service.

 

* * *

  
Kris didn't understand Adam, it didn't seem right that he was so against this assignment. Oh yes, Adam gave Kris things to do - but it was all superficial - laundry, and cleaning, and cooking, none of it the sort of service that Kris had been trained to give. None of it the sort of care that Adam seemed to need so much, and yet he continued to deny that he needed anything from Kris. It was frustrating in so many ways for Kris.

He wanted to be the right sort of companion for Adam, to be able to give him the things he needed - the Clerics wouldn't have made the assignment if there wasn't something Adam needed that he couldn't get from anyone other than a Companion, and that was why Kris was here, but Adam would admit to nothing - it was like pulling teeth just to get him to ask for simple things like for Kris to fold his laundry. He did each task happily, and hoped each one was a step in the right direction.

Kris tried to get to know Adam better as he worked, usually he kept quiet - Adam seemed to like his home to be quiet and Kris respected that most days - occasionally though he would talk while he worked. He would find himself in the same room as Adam and ask him questions. He started simply enough, asking about his day, and then about his friends, hoping for any clue from Adam about why he was here.

"Will you see them again soon?" Kris asked, he and Adam had been talking about some of Adam's friends.

"I doubt it." Adam was staring at a book in his lap - Kris could tell he wasn't actually reading it, he'd been sitting on the same page for the last half hour and he knew he wasn't being nearly so distracting with his questions.

"Why is that?" he wondered. "You seem to miss them."

"They live in the city."

"You could visit, or they could come here, stars knows your home is large enough for that - there are so many rooms here, I've never seen a home this big before." Kris was still awed by the size of Adam's home and he had lived here for nearly a month now.

"No." Adam said after a long pause, like he had been considering Kris' suggestion, the way his face hardened was enough of a sign for Kris that question time was over for the day and he went back to his work, organizing stacks of papers for Adam to go through later, but even the papers didn't really give Kris much of a clue about anything that Adam did or wanted or needed - he had been here nearly a month and still did not know what Adam did for a living, the size of Adam's family, or the reason he was here. It was maddening to go each day without that sort of information.

Though at least one of those questions seemed easily answered, Adam didn't ever leave the house, which made Kris think that perhaps he didn't do anything, or he'd done something so spectacular at one point that now he didn't need to do anything now. Though that would get awfully boring, with nothing to do.

And that was how Kris spent most of his days, the time was passed filled with day to day chores, cooking meals, and asking Adam questions when he seemed to be in the right sort of mood - though that was happening less and less, perhaps Adam was starting to realize what Kris was doing as he asked him questions while worked, not that Kris was getting anything of use out of the questions he asked Adam.

Kris would ask him how his day was as he served him dinner, he'd ask him if he had any dreams the night before when he brought him breakfast, he'd ask if there was anything special he could pick up for Adam the next time he went out for food. The answers Adam gave were nothing special, the sort of answers one might give to just those questions, but whenever Kris tried for a question that might get him a better idea about Adam, well those never turned out quite as well as he'd hoped.

"The solstice is coming up."

"Hmm." Adam would just murmur a response to let Kris know that he heard him some days, like he thought Kris needed that from him.

"Will your family come? I could make something special for dinner, maybe something more festive."

Adam would close his book then, all pretense of reading gone as he stood up without even attempting to answer the question before he left the room. Leaving Kris there with the unspoken command not to follow him.

It was endlessly frustrating and caused Kris to lay awake in bed each night, not only fretting about what he was doing wrong, but what about him displeased Adam so much that he was completely unwilling to open himself up to what he could do to help him. And the eerie silence that he was still unused to, it would have been easier to sleep if Adam had been in the same room as him, the same bed would have been even better. Even if Adam continued to refuse to touch him.

Some nights he would get out of bed, there was always something to do in a house as large as Adam's and he would wander the halls. He'd take care of anything he saw that needed fixing or organizing, working his way through the house room by room - even venturing into the rooms that Adam had not shown him on the tour his first day there.

They were mostly offices, a library, but the best find had been a music room. There were books and books of music, and tables for writing, and the instruments. Kris had only ever seen this many instruments at the Temple, he didn't think private residences could afford this many - but it was obvious yet again that Adam's home was no where near the ordinary private residence. He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him as he took it all in.

Everything about the room was amazing, and Kris could have spent hours in here not doing anything to help Adam at all. And though he never would, he would have loved every second of it. He ran his fingers over instruments that he found, over pages and pages of sheet music, some still in the midst of being written, but what most held his attention was the large piano.

He hadn't seen a piano in years, they used to have access to one at the Temple; they'd had it removed, but Kris never was sure of the reason. And it was too tempting not to sit down and run his fingers over the smooth white keys.

He shouldn't be sitting here at all, Kris knew that, he knew it and yet he was unable to stop himself as he lifted both hands to the keys and began picking out a melody. It was something he had learned when he was younger, something that he should have forgotten but like everything else his mind just soaked it up and Kris still held on to that bit of musical knowledge.

It started out slow and halting, but as he kept at it Kris was able to play with more and more confidence, until the music just flowed from his fingers, weaving its soft and sweet melody around him and through the room, filling it with the comforting sound. Kris was completely lost, playing bent over the piano as his fingers moved almost without his permission playing. And when he finished with one song it fell seamlessly into the next, it was like this was what he'd been waiting for all these years; this was where he felt right.

In a way he'd never felt during service, or when he was with his friends, or at night just before he drifted to sleep. The feeling that came over him now was one of complete satisfaction and contentment, for the first time since he came to Adam's home he felt like maybe he was actually supposed to be here - if only for this moment.

That was when the door opened with a bang, startling his fingers off the keys in a discordant sound as he whipped his head around to see Adam standing there in the open door, looking like Kris had committed the worst sin possible.

"What are you doing?" His voice was soft, and if Kris hadn't been so aware of Adam he might have just taken it for a whisper, but the anger pulsing through the words wasn't missed and he quickly got up from where he'd been sitting at the piano, closing the lid over the keys again and moving away from it again.

"I told you, these rooms are off limits." Kris thought that Adam might just be shaking with his anger and he continued his quick silent movements away from the piano and toward the door. "Aren't you supposed to be trained to do what you're told? Or do they teach you to do the opposite of what you're told? What did you spend all those years in training for if you can't follow a simple command?" He jerked his head toward the hall and Kris took the silent order and left the room and he practically sprinted back to his own room, closing the door as quietly as he could, absolutely mortified and what he had done.

 

* * *

  
_"Very good." Her voice was soft and sweet, and Adam smiled without looking up from where he was working, focusing so intently on the page in front of him. But the scene that was playing out in front of him was one he'd seen many times before, and he didn't need to look to see it._

His mother sat at the piano, her fingers moving quickly over the keys playing a simple melody, and his brother sat beside her, his own fingers on the keys. Though the motions were no where near as graceful, in fact the discordant notes that sounded occasionally were more than enough proof that his brother was no where near the musician that his mother was.

"Remember, wrists up." She would sing along with the melody she played, and Neil would laugh as she lifted his wrist making sure he had proper form while he played with her. Just because he wasn't a great talent was no reason not to play well.

Adam was writing, scribbling out words, lyrics, poetry. His talents lay in words. His mother was a brilliant musician, she played every instrument in the room, better than most people could ever dream of playing, and Neil well he was a bit young to have a real path yet, but it looked like he was going to be a painter, he had great skill with color even at such a young age.

And Adam - well he was right at the age where he was beginning to focus on his chosen path. He was lucky his family was well off enough that he could choose what he wanted; he wasn't limited in his choices, like so many others were. He didn't have to worry about being taken off to the temple, or being forced into something he hated. And for that he would be forever grateful to his mother.

She had made a name for herself with her musical talent, and now both her sons had the chance to do whatever they liked with their lives. It was an incredible opportunity and one that Adam didn't take lightly. Which was why he was so focused on the words that flowed through him and on to the page.

Of course that was usually when Neil did something completely ridiculous and was reduced to fits of giggles. Their mother would just smile at her youngest son fondly and continue her playing, Adam did not have the same resolve as his mother, and despite his best efforts he would eventually join his brother in his laughter.

Their mother would just keep playing, soft and sweet occasionally singing along as she played for them, letting them enjoy themselves for an afternoon.

"Adam?"

He opened his eyes and sighed seeing Kris standing there in the open doorway looking like someone had just told him that they were taking away his puppy or something equally as dreadful. It was getting impossible to simply sit and think in peace anymore. For someone so small, Kris certainly had a much larger presence - and for all the work Adam put into finding himself some time alone Kris managed to find him easily enough, and, more often than not, managed to get him talking, even when words had been the furthest thing from his mind.

He rubbed at his temple but motioned that Kris could come in if he wanted to. His home was, for the most part, completely open to Kris. And while it had taken some getting used to having a stranger in his home, Adam found that it wasn't unbearable, and the company wasn't absolutely terrible when Kris managed to stay out of places where he wasn't supposed to go. He had never expected something like this to happen before; it was never something he'd even considered. In fact Adam was sure he didn't even know anyone who had been assigned a companion like this, and some of his friends needed to be taken care of much more than he did. At least he could manage to make tea and toast for himself, which was more than could be said for some of the people he knew.

And yet here was Kris, intent on taking care of him, though Adam had no idea what to do with him. He certainly wasn't going to use him in the way that was likely intended. The very idea of using anyone like that, even if that was what they had been trained for - it was just repugnant to him and Adam wasn't going to do that. But there wasn't much for Kris to do otherwise, household chores, but Adam didn't think he really needed a companion for those sort of things, but at least it gave Kris something to do with himself, instead of hanging around waiting for Adam, like he was expecting him to suddenly decide one day that yes today was the day that he was going to throw out all his morals and sleep with Kris.

He didn't think this was supposed to be so complicated and yet everything about Kris seemed complicated. He'd heard stories about companions in the past, they made life easier, they took care of you, they were supposed to be exactly what you needed - and yet the reality of the situation was so much more complicated; all Adam could do was try and navigate his way through this without much explanation from Kris beyond he would do whatever it was that Adam wanted him to.

So it came as a surprise when instead of coming and sitting with him as Kris did from time to time, Kris was suddenly on his knees in front of him with his head bowed and his hands on his thigh.

"Um, Kris?" Adam didn't even know what to think of this new situation, this wasn't something he'd gotten briefed on.

"I am sorry." Kris' voice was softer than Adam could remember hearing it, despite his hesitant nature, Kris had never been shy about speaking to him. He always spoke calmly and with purpose, and to hear his voice like this, like he was worried - it was surprising to say the least.

"Sorry?"

"Last night." Kris supplied, and Adam tensed slightly, he wasn't sure what he would have told Kris about what happened the night before, but seeing him there - sitting at ~~her~~ the piano it was too much to bear and he'd snapped.

"Look, its okay, really." Adam started, but Kris was shaking his head before he'd finished speaking.

"No, you were right, you told me not to go in there." Kris still hadn't lifted his eyes and Adam wondered if he was going to be having this entire conversation with the top of Kris' head. "And I ignored that, I completely disregarded my training last night, I was selfish and completely ignored everything you've told me since I've come here."

Adam wasn't sure where Kris was going with this now.

"I-" Kris started and stopped, Adam could see him lick his lips and take a slow breath before he looked up at him, and Adam was startled to see the look in his eyes. "I will accept any punishment you deem fit." He said finally, holding Adam's gaze, and the soft tone in his voice gone and replaced with a much more firm version.

"What?"

"I disobeyed you, and it is your right to punish me." Kris told him; in that same way that he used when he was explaining for the fifteenth time why exactly it was that he was here at all. And yet that this was supposed to be standard procedure didn't make the idea of punishing Kris any easier for Adam to swallow.

"You want me to punish you?" Adam repeated the request a little dumbly while he tried to make sense of it and Kris nodded. "How exactly am I supposed to do that?"

"However you like." Kris answered simply, it was always _anything he wanted, however he liked, anything he wished_, Adam was starting to hate that response, especially when it came to taking care of Kris.

"Care to give me an example?" Adam hedged, still clueless as to what he ought to do for Kris.

The hesitant tone was back again and Kris dropped his gaze back to the floor. "There are implements you could use." He supplied finally, and suddenly it all clicked into place for Adam, he could whip him, beat him, be one of those people you heard about - the person who broke their companion and he shuddered at the idea.

"No, no, I am not doing that." He said firmly shaking his head.

"But ... I - I disobeyed." Kris lifted his head suddenly, looking up at Adam and almost pleading without actually saying anything as he looked at Adam. "I ne-" And before he finished he clamped his mouth shut.

"I know you did, but I'm not going to beat you because of that." Adam said shaking his head. "I think you should go, for a while, take some time to clear your head or something." he told him, though really it was him who needed time to clear his head. Adam couldn't help but think that he was never going to get the hang of this, every time he felt like he was starting to understand how all of this worked Kris would throw another curveball at him and Adam couldn't help but wonder if this was how it was always going to be.

 

* * *

  
This wasn't how this was supposed to work, none of it had gone right from the moment the assignment had been made to this point where Kris now found himself. He was floundering, and he didn't know how to make it right. They didn't train you to deal with the possibility that you really weren't wanted. It was an honor, a privilege to have a companion, of course you were wanted - and yet Adam was insistent, again and again Kris was rebuffed and now this.

He should have been punished, needed it - to feel like he would be all right. And the hope of a punishment had been the thing that tethered him to reality the night before as he ran from Adam and went to hide in his room. It would make everything right again, Adam could remind him of his place, show him how he'd been wrong and then they could continue to move forward - but this? Being sent away? Kris still felt like he was slipping away, like this big thing was separating him from Adam and he just didn't know how to deal with it.

Adam told him to go back to his room, to leave, to be somewhere other than here and so Kris had. It wasn't exactly breaking the rules, but his mind knew well enough that he was. But Adam had already shown he wasn't going to punish him - leaving wouldn't drive them any further apart than they all ready were, and Kris hated that. He hated being unable to help Adam to give him anything at all.

And so he left, he went quietly, because while Adam had told him to leave - Kris still knew that Adam hadn't meant he could leave the house, but he left despite that knowledge. The band warm around his neck as he slipped out the front door and caught the first passing transport he saw.

For a long time he didn't know where he was going, just sitting in the transport, not even aware of the people that got on and off around him as it moved down the streets and slowly moved further to the heart of the city, and when he did finally raise his eyes Kris knew where he was going. It would be the last stop on the trip before the transport changed directions entirely and went back the way it had come.

Stepping off and into the shadow cast by the temple, Kris felt like he was coming home. This was the place he had known as home for so many years, he'd grown up here, been taught here, he still had friends here and people he almost considered parents for all their influence. This was what he had hoped to feel when he went to Adam's home, that sense of belonging and peace, and yet except for the moment at the piano nothing had felt right about Adam's home at all.

But this would always have the familiarity that Kris was looking for now - he had so many memories of this place. As the two boys in training opened the large doors for him Kris remembered the day he had come here for the first time. He'd been so scared and worried about what lay behind these doors, all sorts of crazy thoughts had filled his mind, and yet none of them were right - nothing could compare to the reality of this place.

He felt the same way when he first entered Adam's home.

Now all he wanted was to feel that sense of coming home again, and the temple didn't disappoint. It still smelled the same, rich wafting fumes from the altars, the sound of instructors' voices floating through the halls from classrooms. It was like nothing had changed in the months Kris had been gone.

"Kris?"

Not even this had changed, and a slow easy smile spread its way across his face as a familiar face and a shock of bright red hair launched herself at him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her face pressed against his throat. "What are you doing here? I thought you had been assigned, you haven't been returned have you? Can they do that? Are you hurt? He didn't hurt you did he?" She was going a mile a minute and if Kris hadn't had years to deal with it he might have been overwhelmed now.

But he had a lot of practice and he gently pried her arms from around his neck and laid his hands on her shoulders pushing her back just enough so that he could look at her face. "Calm down Allison, I am fine." He soothed her worries first. "Now let me get a good look at you, I want to see how much you've changed."

She rolled her eyes then and smacked his hands away from her shoulders. "I am fine, you know that - you haven't been gone long enough for me to have changed yet you idiot." She sighed. "You're not back though are you?" She bit her lower lip and for all her work at trying to seem older than she was, Kris was still very aware of just how young Allison was. She had been at the temple for several years now, and soon after she arrived she'd decided that Kris was going to be hers and followed him around from that day on.

It had been annoying at first, to have this child following around him while he was trying his hardest to prove that he was up to the task of companion, but Allison had been unrelenting. She could talk your ear off even when she'd been a much younger girl and it was something they hadn't been able to train out of her - though at least now she was able to keep quiet on occasion. Usually just long enough for a ceremony, or blessings before meals. Otherwise she was always talking, Kris liked that about her.

The ebb and flow of her voice washing over him each day. And to hear it again was just as much like coming home as it had been to step through the doors of the temple just a few minutes earlier.

"No, I'm not back, just visiting." He told her in a soft voice, stroking a hand over her hair, pushing a strand back behind her ear to get a better look at her face. "You have changed though." He decided looking at her face and he smiled at her.

She hugged him again, not quite as tightly as she had before but it was enough that Kris still felt it, felt the unspoken emotion behind the gesture. "So have you." She said quietly into the collar of his shirt.

"Come on," He said finally, putting an arm around her shoulder when he got her to stand straight again and lead her through the halls like he'd never left, and out into the gardens. It just took a wave of his hand and a young girl wearing her training band appeared with a pot of tea and two glasses for them. "I'm sure I'm taking you away from classes or something, but I'll have a word with the Clerics before I leave so you don't get into trouble."

"You know you might be gone, but I still don't need you to stick up for me." She reminded him with a teasing smirk and he just smiled.

"I know, you never needed me to do that, but humor me."

 

* * *

  
After Kris left the room Adam thought he might just spend the rest of the day avoiding him - it was probably for the best, he didn't know what to do with Kris. He didn't know how to share space with him, to give him what he needed and wanted. At the ceremony they talked about this being a partnership, yes Kris was his companion and Kris would do anything that Adam asked him to do - but it was Adam's responsibility to take care of Kris, to provide for him and give him the things he needed. And Adam knew there were plenty of people who didn't do that - who took their role as head a bit too seriously and went so far as to lord their power over their companion. And that's what made him so sick over the whole arrangement. He wasn't like that, he would never hurt Kris, would never do something like that to another person.

And yet Kris has asked him to do just that, to hurt him and Adam hadn't even known what to do, all he could do was send him away. It was too much that Kris would ask him for that.

He spent the day reading, or staring at the pages of books - he seemed to be doing a lot of that since Kris came to live with him. He was far too distracting for his own good, and Adam wondered if that was something they trained them to do at the Temple. He'd never given much thought to the sort of training they got there, he was just grateful that he wasn't forced to go there himself.

The day wore on, the sun sliding through the sky as the hours passed and Adam finally got tired of not being able to read and decided maybe he and Kris should talk about some of what was going on - it was more than apparent, and had been for some time now, that his policy of ignoring all of this was simply not working and maybe actually having a real talk between the two of them would help smooth things over so they could manage to live together without driving each other mad.

Sighing he walked through the house looking for Kris. His room was the first place he checked, but Kris wasn't there - which was surprising, after what had happened the night before Adam had been sure that Kris wouldn't want to be anywhere other than here. He moved through the house slowly checking all the rooms he had shown Kris in the past, and when his search proved fruitless he began searching the rooms that had been off limits, starting with the music room. But Kris was no where to be found.

Adam wasn't sure what to do - he didn't think Kris was really the sort to run away, he seemed far more dedicated to all of this than Adam could ever be, and for him to just leave like this? Well he wasn't sure what to make of it.

A very large part of him was relieved, he didn't have to worry about Kris hovering around him waiting for the day when he would tell him that he wanted something more from him than just his cooking skills, that he wouldn't have to worry about all the ways he wasn't living up to his end of the deal with this assignment. He could get back to the business of living his life the way he wanted to without anyone else involved in it.

But, there was another part, much smaller of course, that wound itself up in the pit of his stomach, coiled and knotted itself up in worry about Kris. He was supposed to take care of him, to make sure that he didn't come to harm. How could he do that if Kris wasn't here?

_The city was better than Adam would have ever allowed himself to believe, there was so much to see and do there - more than he had ever experienced before. It was intoxicating and he spent months taking it all in, the music, the art, the theater. It was filled with all the things that Adam loved about life and the things that his family had held dear from the start. He was lost to the siren call of the city from the moment he struck out on his own._

He was still young of course, but his mother thought it would be good for him, to experience the city, to have the influence of the arts on his own work - it was impossible to continue to be creative when your world never changed, she had told him the day he left.

She held his face between her hands and smiled at him, and he saw in her eyes the same look she had given him ever since he was a young boy, and she kissed his forehead, imparting just a small bit of last wisdom.

"We'll come and visit in a few months, enjoy yourself, my son." She told him, eyes shining, seeing only the potential she had always seen in her eldest son.

"I will." He'd told her quietly, her expression filling him with hope and longing all at the same time. It would be the first time he had truly left home, struck out on his own to see what he could make of himself in the world, and he had high hopes and expectations.

And thankfully the city didn't disappoint.

Adam was in his element in the city, he quickly joined the ranks of the well known, the artists and the influential. People were drawn to him, despite his youth, and Adam soaked it all in eagerly. He loved being taken to concerts, and art shows, and plays, and the opera. All the things he had always dreamed of doing, but hadn't been able to from home. This was so much better than anything he had ever known.

He made friends easily, had many lovers in and out of his bed, and took in as much as he could every day he was there.

"You'll come to the show tonight, won't you Adam?" Brad asked as he threw yet another outfit onto the pile on the bed, it was starting to lean precariously to the right like it might just topple over if Brad added much more to it. But he didn't seem bothered by it. He was in search of just the right outfit for the night.

"Of course." Adam was sitting at his desk, in a rare moment of inspiration. It seemed to come further and further apart these days, there was too much to do here it stole his attentions away from his work Adam had hardly any time to stop and write when he was so busy experiencing everything around him. But he had learned early on that when inspiration struck he should take the time to write it out, stars knew when he would it would strike again. "I've just got to finish this up."

Brad poked his head out of the bedroom, and Adam knew before he looked up at him that he would be pouting. "You don't even let anyone see what you're always writing, why is it so important that you finish?" He asked with a sigh, wearing some fantastic new outfit, that he didn't seem quite so pleased with.

"It's important." Adam said with a sigh as he dropped his eyes back to the page in front of him - he and Brad had had this conversation many times all ready, and Adam had yet been able to convince Brad that his writing was important. Adam thought Brad would have been completely happy spending his time trying on new clothes and going out every night, without ever creating anything new in the world.

How could he explain to him how important it was for him to be able to make something, to give birth to something outside of himself, to be able to leave his mark on the world even if it was only a few people who ever saw what he did? He hadn't been sure the first time they'd had this talk and he certainly hadn't been able to figure it out since then, much to both their disappointment.

"You'll finish before we have to go, won't you?" Brad asked, apparently deciding it wasn't worth pushing the matter.

"I'll do my best, but I've got a private transport set up even if I can't, so you'll make it in time." He promised, and while that prospect had excited Brad in the past, it didn't seem to make his face light up the way it once had.

"Okay, I need to finish getting dressed." Adam made a noise that he'd heard Brad, who sighed and went back into the bedroom no doubt to take off what he wore and try on something else. He'd be at it up until the moment it was time to go - it was just how he was, and though he left mountains of clothes in his wake Adam wouldn't have changed that about him.

Like Brad had guessed, Adam was in fact late to the show that night, but he'd finally had a breakthrough and the verses just kept pouring out of him in a way that it hadn't in ages, and he wondered, when he'd finally finished, if it was because his mother was coming to visit. She had always had that effect on him, and Adam could only be grateful if that was the case.

Brad though had not been happy to have to go alone and spend the majority of the evening on his own. Adam thought he might have loved Brad; he was everything he had ever wanted in a partner, though his inability to see how much Adam needed the outlet of his writing was the one thing that came between them more than anything else. Adam didn't know if they could move past that without some understanding.

He woke early that morning, Brad was still curled in the sheets, pillows tossed onto the floor the way they always were at the end of the night, and Adam grinned, pressing a kiss against the corner of Brad's mouth before he pulled himself up out of bed. He was never an early riser, except on days when there was something big happening, holidays, the day of assignments, and year changings, and today.

There was a silent energy coursing through his veins from the moment his mother had written to tell him that they would be coming for the long promised visit. And Adam was eager to see his family again - it had been months since he'd seem them, it felt like years almost. So much had changed and it was all Adam could do not to start pacing the flat while he waited. Instead he busied himself with writing.

It was flowing easier suddenly and he couldn't not take the time to indulge himself in this.

After a few hours, Brad stumbled his way out of the bedroom rubbing his eyes free of sleep from the night before. He paused when he saw Adam sitting at his desk writing again, much like the way he had left him the night before.

"At it again? I thought you finished last night." Adam ignored the sound of hurt in his voice and continued writing.

"I thought so too." He answered simply, he had taken the time to fix breakfast for Brad though before he sat down to work, and smiled at the sound of plates and glasses being moved while Brad sat down to his meal. He liked being able to take care of him like that, he thought Brad might just forget to keep himself fed and watered if he didn't have someone around to constantly remind him the way Adam did - but he had managed to survive all the years he'd lived without Adam in his life, so he supposed he must have some very basic skills to take care of himself, but he never seemed to use them when Adam was around.

Arms wrapped themselves around him after several long minutes and lips pressed themselves against the back of his neck in the way he'd always liked. And he smiled, laying down his pen and turning around just enough to hook his arm around Brad's waist pulling him into his lap, the both of them laughing as they kissed slow and lingering. Brad still tasting of breakfast and Adam tasting of the tea he'd been sipping at while he worked, but slowly they kissed until there was nothing left but the taste of them.

Thankfully they had actually managed to redress before the knock sounded at the door, and Adam couldn't contain the grin that spread across his face as he bounded toward the door to answer it.

"I was starting to think, you were nev-" He had started and stopped when he opened the door and found instead of his mother and brother standing there the familiar face of their family executor, and Adam didn't know what to think.

"What?" He said finally when he was unable to even comprehend the reason for Franklin to even be there at all, but his stomach twisted as he spoke the words.

"Adam, I ... may I come in?" The older man looked uncomfortable, like he really wanted to be anywhere other than here, and Adam was feeling that was probably the same way he would be feeling in a few moments.

"Of course yes," He stepped aside letting the man into his home, and leading him into the kitchen, while Brad looked on curiously but didn't follow, and for that Adam was grateful.

"Can I get you something?" Adam asked, only out of a sense of lingering manners.

"No, no thank you my boy." The older man shook his head and looked at Adam sadly. "I'm not sure how best to tell you this." He admitted and that thing that had all ready begun twisting itself up in his gut, coiled even tighter at those words. "It's your mother,"

And Adam felt like he'd been punched, he'd known it wouldn't be good, Franklin had never bothered to visit about anything since he'd moved to the city, though the man was a frequent visitor to his childhood home.

"What happened?" Adam was amazed he even had the ability to speak anymore, but he needed to know.

"There was an accident, your mother and Neil, they were traveling and their transport..." He shrugged lamely not sure if Adam would want all the details, and Adam would forever be grateful not to know exactly how his family had died, it was hard enough hearing both their names like that, their transport - they wouldn't have been traveling at all if they weren't coming to visit him, if he hadn't come to the city. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think about anything but their faces on the day he'd left home. It had been the last time he'd seen either of them and Adam could only think about how inadequate their goodbyes had been, he should have told them both how much he loved them, something other than the small hopeful excited smile and wave he'd given at his departure.

He didn't pay attention to much of anything over the next several weeks, he just couldn't. He let Franklin make all the necessary arrangements, and he spent all his time in bed, wrapped up in as many blankets as he could find, all the letters, vids, and things his mother had sent over the last several months spread out around him as he read and reread each one again and again, wishing there was something more of her left for him to hold on to.

The funeral was larger than he had expected, but Franklin had been sure to invite all the right people and no one else, Adam just hadn't realized there were so many _right_ people to consider.

It was held at their home, a cleric was there to say all the right words, and Adam even made himself get up and speak as well - though he couldn't have repeated the words if asked, he spoke without thinking, said everything that weighed so heavily on his heart before he'd disappeared back into the house, letting the others finish with the service.

Inside wasn't any better though, there were too many people, crowded around in all of the rooms, talking to one another, talking about what a waste, and such a shame, and how senseless it all was. Adam tried to get away from it all but there was no where to hide from it, not for hours at least.

And then he heard it, the sound of a piano, slow and sweet the music floated through the house from room to room all wrong as its sound filled the house. Adam pushed his way through groups of people, ignoring anyone who tried to speak with him, until he got to the music room and slammed the piano shut with no regard for the fingers that only just managed to remove themselves from the keys before the lid clamped shut.

"Don't." His voice deadly serious as he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from letting out the tears that threatened to fall at the very idea of anyone other than his mother sitting at her piano and playing. It was wrong and it only drove home the fact that she would never sit there and play for him again, and Neil would never join her sweet harmonies, and he would never see her face again, and he just couldn't stand there and let that person push that into his face again and again as they sat there at her piano, it was too much to bear.

"Adam?" The voice was hesitant, much like he remembered it being that very first day and Adam looked up from where he'd fallen asleep, his book on the floor long forgotten. And he looked up into the dim light that filled the room to look at Kris' face.

"You left." Adam said slowly as he sat up, fixing Kris with a firm stare, wondering why he was here if he had left - shouldn't he have stayed gone?

"I know, I ..." Kris started and stopped himself looking unsure of himself all over again, and a bit like he wanted to drop to his knees and ask Adam to hurt him again. "I needed to talk to someone." He said finally.

"You couldn't leave a note?" Adam asked, now that Kris was here again it was much easier to be upset over him leaving. "Or did you just think that I wouldn't care that you were gone?"

Kris toed the carpet beneath his feet and kept his eyes on the floor, like it was hurting him to even look at Adam, it was the same sort of look Adam had given to his mother when he'd been caught at something he knew he shouldn't have been doing. It was a wholly different experience seeing it from this side though.

"I didn't really know where I was going when I left." Kris admitted. "I just wanted to get some space, I needed to clear my head and I ended up at the Temple, and I talked with my friend." He spoke in a rush the words bleeding into one another as he spoke, but Adam was able to make out the basics of what Kris had said. "I am sorry if I worried you, I didn't intend to be gone that long, and I know I shouldn't have left without asking you first."

Adam sighed pushing a hand through his hair, it was all ready messy beyond help from an afternoon spent fretting it wouldn't be hurt further by his actions. "Look, you can do what you like, I've told you that. If you want to leave you're welcome, I'd just... I'd appreciate it if you told me before you went - so I know if I need to worry about you or not." He shook his head, this whole thing was so far beyond fucked up; he just wished it could be simple for once.

"I -" Kris paused raising his face to look at Adam, considering him for a very long moment. "I'll let you know next time." He promised, catching Adam off guard, he was expecting some argument about procedure and training and all of that, but instead Kris was just agreeing with him? He couldn't say he minded the change, but it did catch him by surprise, and he wondered who it was that Kris had talked with while he was out that afternoon. It might be too soon for thanks to that person, but maybe this didn't have to be quite so difficult for the both of them.

 

* * *

  
If only things were so simple, Kris wished everything would have been fixed after the talk he'd had with Allison, but life was rarely so easy he had learned. And when you wished more than anything for things to be easier was usually when they resisted so fervently that all you could do was hold on and hope you made it through to the other side.

Some things were better though, even Kris would admit that. Adam talked to him more - he didn't just answer his questions, but actually initiated talk from time to time. It was still quieter than anything around the house, but Kris found himself looking forward to those times when he and Adam would actually talk. It was like the one solid point in his life, his anchor and he held on to those times as tightly as he could when he got them.

But Adam still seemed to be unable to tell him what he needed, and so Kris was left with the same sort of basic chores he'd been doing from the start. It was rote and he did each task without much thought, so accustomed was he to Adam's home and the way things worked in it. But he wished for more, for anything to actually help Adam. It was so clear the more they talked that Adam needed something from him, but what it was Kris was still unable to place and without Adam telling him what he needed he was unable to help and that was more frustrating than anything he had yet encountered in his life.

And so he worked on finding new ways to fill his time, he tried reading - Adam did have a massive library, and more books than Kris thought anyone person truly needed, but he had been unable to really find the time or the inclination to sit down and read anything Adam had. He'd considered painting, but he'd never been very good at that, and it seemed that music upset Adam so that was out for the time being. So he watched Adam, surreptitiously, doing his best not to distract him when he managed to do something other than sit around, he watched Adam when he took walks through the grounds, watched him while they ate together, watched him when they talked. All the while searching for any clue as to why he was here at all.

Adam would occasionally invite him to sit with him while they talked, it started becoming something they did, after breakfast, Adam would take his tea and Kris would follow him out to the gardens and they would sit together out in the sun when the weather was nice and just talk. Some days it was about some new scandal in the papers, other days it was about the most mundane topics Kris thought any person could come up with, and then there were the days that Adam asked Kris about his life.

"How long were you at the Temple?" Adam asked him one morning, and Kris who had been enjoying the feeling of the sun warm against the back of his neck was suddenly drawn into his memories thinking about that first day he'd gone to the temple.

"I was eleven when I was taken to the Temple and joined the companions." He answered after a few moments. "I was there in training for fourteen years." He gave Adam a rueful smile; it was over half his life that he'd spent there, many of the Clerics becoming more family to him than his own family had been.

"What happened to your family?" Adam asked next, it was of course the logical question to follow; there was always something that happened to the families of those who were brought to the Temple. Kris knows that, but there is an implication that there is something bad about being sent to the Temple, like it was a punishment or something, but he'd always thought about it as an opportunity, a chance he wouldn't have otherwise.

"Nothing happened to them really," Kris shrugged, "I mean I'm sure they're still out there somewhere doing family things, I guess." He didn't really know and he didn't think much about them if he was being perfectly honest, and it seemed that he was in fact being just that honest at the moment. "It was just ... you know, I have a younger brother, Daniel." Kris smiled. "He was really good in school, especially the sciences, even when we were kids he was brilliant." He grinned remembering things like that, he was always proud of what his brother had accomplished in the years after he left home.

"He had an opportunity to go to a special school – one that would guarantee he'd get a chance at the University when he was older," The rest of the story filled itself in silently and Kris just lifted his shoulders like that explained everything. It was a simple thing, they needed the funds to get Daniel into that school, and there was no way his parents were going to be able to raise that many credits in time for the start of the term. But an opportunity presented itself to them.

"They sold you?" Adam looked horrified at the very idea.

"What? No, no." Kris denied suddenly shaking his head trying to explain in a way that Adam would understand, though he could see the way his mind had made that leap. But not everyone got to grow up the way Adam did, not everyone got to simply choose the path they would take in life, some people simply had to go where they were told.

"I helped him go to school, I had my path and he had his. It was just the way things worked out." He doubted very much he was explaining himself right, because Adam still looked horrified. "It wasn't as bad as you're making it seem." Kris said shaking his head again. "I went on my own, it wasn't like they came into our home and dragged me out, I packed my bags, I said goodbye to my family and I went. And Daniel got to go to school. Did you hear about the new energy plants they're building? That was Daniel." Kris smiled proudly, he might not know the man his brother had become but he could still be proud of him, know that he had played his part in getting him to that point. There was a certain amount of contentment that came with knowing he'd been a part of that.

Adam still looked doubtful about the whole thing, but didn't press the issue. It looked like he was going to be locked up in his head for a while longer now, and Kris frowned. He liked talking with Adam like this, freely without thinking so much about protocol and all the things he should be doing. He liked the freedom that came from talking with Adam.

"Will you tell me about your family?" Kris asked in a moment of bravery. He knew that was one subject that normally shut Adam up faster than anything else, but he couldn't stop himself. And hoped that this would be the time when Adam would tell him something.

Adam was quiet for a long time after that. He didn't look at Kris; instead he stared into his lap, and Kris was prepared for Adam to continue being quiet, he was used to it – but he would continue asking when the opportunity presented itself to him. And now had seemed like the perfect time to ask.

"I had a younger brother too." Adam spoke softly, and if the room hadn't been as quiet as it was he might have missed the words all together. "His name was Neil."

It was more than Kris had expected and not nearly enough all at the same time. He desperately wanted to ask Adam more about his brother, but he could feel even in the tone that Adam used that he wasn't going to be saying anything more about his brother.

 

* * *

  
After that night, Adam started talking about his family more. They didn't have long conversations about them or anything as great as that, but he'd make comments in passing. Something about a book his mother had loved, or a song his brother used to sing all the time – and just how terrible his brother's voice actually was. Kris took in all this new information and filed it away, sorting through it and slowly building up a picture of the sort of family Adam once had.

They had a sort of unspoken agreement that Kris wouldn't ask about Adam's family, he'd wait and they'd spend time together and occasionally Adam would tell him something new, but Kris never asked. And it seemed to work for them in a strange way. They came to an agreement after that day Kris had left, and Kris did his best to follow it, no matter how much he wanted to ask about Adam's family, he left it alone and he went to visit Allison once a week – though he let Adam know before he went.

"We read the whole series that year." Adam finished a smile on his face – the one he only ever wore when he talked about his family. "Neil couldn't believe she didn't write more, he must have written a hundred letters after we'd finished and sent them off, in the hope that one of them would manage to convince her to write more."

Kris chuckled, he liked these times. The stories Adam told him were inconsequential, they didn't really give him a sense of what happened to his family – but he got a glimpse of what they had been like, slowly piecing together the pictures he got, trying to make something complete – though he was still missing vital parts of the whole.

Kris had been to see Allison that afternoon, and he got back just before dinner. He and Adam sat together after the meal was finished, warm mugs of tea in their hands while they talked. Kris was open about his life, about his parents his brother – well what he remembered of them. Mostly he talked about his time at the Temple, the friends he'd made there. Allison, Cale, Charles, a few others, all but Allison had been given their assignments. He hadn't seen them since – but that was how it was supposed to be. It wasn't typical for a companion to return to the Temple the way Kris did.

Adam avoided talking about Kris' training; Kris suspected he was worried about where that topic of conversation would get them, but really so much of Kris' training was completely harmless – he had no idea what Adam imagined his training had been like, but it was obvious he didn't want to hear it, so Kris stayed away from that part of his life at the Temple.

But there was plenty more to talk about during those afternoons they spent in conversation. There were of course still days where silence filled the house – Adam didn't always want to talk, and Kris learned it was better not to push. He kept himself busy with small tasks until the end of the day when he wished Adam a good night

 

* * *

  
Things were getting easier; Adam didn't feel quite so wrong having Kris around every day. He wasn't following him around like some sort of a puppy and he didn't need to be told what to do constantly. They'd learned how to be around each other which relieved Adam more than he could say.

There were even days when he found himself enjoying Kris' company, they talked easily now – carefully avoiding the invisible line between topics that they'd never really talked about not discussing. Kris just seemed to understand there were some things Adam didn't want to know about, and there were some things he didn't want to talk about. But they made do just fine.

Adam wondered if they would ever reach a point where they ran out of things to talk about, Kris never seemed like he wanted to push the conversation anywhere Adam didn't want it to go when they talked, but he seemed like he'd be content to listen to Adam talk about his past for as long as he would let him. He wondered vaguely if conversation was part of Kris' training at the Temple, but he didn't dare ask, for fear that Kris would begin telling him more about his training. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of using Kris for any purpose, let alone sex. It was one thing to give Kris something to do and allowing him to clean the house, and it was quite enough to demand Kris share his bed - even if, as Kris seemed to believe, it was part of his training, his duty, his purpose here with Adam. Adam didn't need to be taken care of in that way and he wouldn't invite Kris over that carefully drawn line if he could help it.

That afternoon, Adam was sitting at the table, bent over a ledger – he had returned after the accident, taken over the family accounts and put aside his own hopes for the future and holed himself up there in the family house. He couldn't leave once he'd come back, it was the place his mother and Neil had lived, the one place he could still feel them around him. And so he'd stayed, taken up the family business and forgotten about music, and writing, and society life in the city. He had his home, his mother's books and his brother's paintings - it was enough. He wouldn't let them go from him completely, he couldn't.

"Do you wish to have dinner outside tonight?" Kris asked, making Adam look up from his work and he frowned, the numbers jumbling themselves around in his mind making it hard for a moment for him to make sense of what Kris had asked him.

"Outside?"

"It's very nice out this evening." Kris shrugged looking like he might have upset Adam, he hid it well but they'd been living together long enough, and Kris was expressive enough that Adam had learned his emotions quickly and easily.

"Oh." The corner of his mouth bunched up for just a moment before he shrugged. "Why not, the summer months are nearly finished, we won't have many more opportunities for it." He nodded and Kris smiled before disappearing to make the arrangements, and Adam was allowed to go back to his work.

Dinner came more quickly than he thought it should have, but perhaps he'd been more engrossed in the numbers than he'd realized. Kris had been right, it was nice outside that evening, and Adam enjoyed the feeling of the warm air against his face, and the sight of the sun slipping down further and further in the sky while they ate together.

"This is nice." Adam said as they finished their dinner together, the sun having disappeared from the sky and the night slowly enveloping them as they continued to sit and talk. And it was nice, being outside was nice, and just talking with Kris was nice, it reminded him of so many dinners he had shared in the city - out on balconies and patios, conversations lingering long into the night while drinks were shared liberally. It was easy to fall back into that mindset, though Kris had never been to one of these dinners.

They shared several drinks and talked far longer than Adam had intended. "This isn't so bad." Adam said after a few quiet moments had passed, he'd stopped feeling the need to fill in every moment of silence between them - the initial awkwardness of sharing time with Kris having faded the longer he'd shared his home with the young man. "It's a bit like things were in the city." He hadn't actually meant to share that thought with Kris, but it seemed a few drinks after months of nothing had gone to his head.

"Is it?" Kris asked sitting up just a bit straighter, the way he always did, his subtle tell that he was interested in what Adam had to say.

"It's not exactly the same, I mean … there aren't the buildings and the sound of transports moving around, or well anything the city has. We used to do this a lot, sit out and have dinner and talk until late into the night." He paused remembering those nights he'd shared with Brad, with his friends, the laughter the music the dancing. All of it - he'd loved that part of city life, having people around all the time. It kept things interesting, there was always something new to try, new people to meet, new stories to hear.

Here at the house there were only memories.

Adam cleared his throat and reached for his drink again finishing it off the warm burn of the drink pulling him out of his thoughts far better than anything else could have at the moment.

"Do you miss it?" Adam tensed at the question; it was more prying than some of the things Kris asked him - and very nearly stepping over that line. In the end he pretended not to hear it, he wasn't going to talk about things that were gone.

"It's getting late." Adam cleared his throat, pushing aside thoughts of the past.

Kris looked out over the darkened landscape around the house and nodded, and Adam told himself that Kris wasn't hurt that he hadn't answered his question. "I'll get this cleaned up."

Adam nodded, he needed to leave, it wasn't going to do either of them any good sitting out here any longer, not since he'd made a mess of the pleasant feelings of the evening. So he retreated inside, closed himself up in the library and began pouring over his ledgers again getting lost in the numbers letting them push away everything else.

***

Adam was still tense days later, Kris was getting under his skin. He'd gotten too comfortable with him - but it was hard not to like the young man. He was so unassuming, and the smiles he gifted Adam with always looked genuine. Like even the smallest word from Adam was the best gift he could have gotten. He'd kept to himself in the beginning, doing the chores Adam had left for him and retreating to his rooms when he was finished - or Adam would occasionally find him in the library, and just the once in his mother's music room.

Slowly though, Kris began to open up. To talk more about himself what he remembered of his family, the things he liked doing. He spent more time in the company of Adam even if all they did was sit in silence. Adam found he liked the company, it made the endless paperwork he dealt with just the slightest bit less soul crushing to have Kris sitting there, bent over a book. Adam found he began to miss Kris' company on those days he went to visit the temple. He missed that silly smile when he looked up from his work and found only an empty room, and he missed Kris' inane chattering about the most uninteresting things.

It was one such afternoon, Adam was tired after several tense communications over the family business and he was more than ready to throw in the towel when Kris returned from the city late in the day.

And rather than relax when he saw that Kris had returned, Adam tensed even more for some reason, but he sighed and continued working. Kris didn't attempt to start conversation instead sat quietly turning pages every few minutes in whatever book he was entertaining himself with those days. And they stayed like that for hours, Kris engrossed in his book and Adam pretending to ignore Kris completely.

"You're tense." The soft words startled Adam out of his work and he looked up to see Kris watching him the book lying open in his lap ignored for the moment.

"Just been a long day of work." Adam shrugged.

"I could help, if you'd allow." Kris bit his lip looking hesitant and Adam wasn't sure what he meant but seeing the way Kris hesitated his mind jumped to conclusions.

"No, no we've talked about that and no. I can't do that - I don't want _you_ to do --" Kris stood up and stopped Adam with a roll of his eyes.

"That's not what I meant." Kris smiled though, like he wasn't hurt that Adam didn't want him like that, but Adam had seen the look in his eyes that first day, when he'd realized. "Let me …" He paused for a moment. "Let me show you?"

Kris hesitated again, before he moved to where Adam was sitting at the large desk, standing behind his chair. "I'm going to touch you." He warned, before just a moment later Kris' hands settled on Adam's shoulders - they were warm even with the layer of cloth between them Adam could feel how warm Kris' hands were. It was too easy to lean back into the touch, to press back into Kris' sure hands as his fingers began slowly moving pressing into his skin - working out kinks and knots Adam hadn't even known were there.

It was easy to forget that he didn't want Kris touching him, that they kept a distance for a reason. How was he supposed to resist this? Adam couldn't even think about resisting, didn't think about any problems this might cause instead all he thought was how good Kris' hands were.

"Stars, you're amazing." Adam groaned, tension melting away from his body as he began to go slack under Kris' hands.

He heard the soft huff of laughter from behind him, the warmth of Kris' breath against the back of his neck, the warmth and comfort of his hands working their way across both his shoulders, kneading into the muscles that had bunched up after a day spent puzzling over more numbers than Adam had ever wanted to see in a lifetime.

"I'm glad you think so," came the soft reply a moment after the laughter, and Adam could just imagine the look on Kris' face, pleased that he was pleasing him. Adam didn't understand it; he'd never understood the purpose of a companion. As he had told Kris on his first day it was easy enough to get sex if that was what he wanted - he was good looking all he had to do was ask, or if he were truly desperate he had the credits to pay a temporary companion. But to be assigned a companion of his own, the idea that the Clerics felt he needed to be looked after - it rubbed Adam in all the wrong places and he'd never been able to settle the two ideas in his mind.

He took care of himself just fine on his own, he always had. He got fed, and he took care of business that needed seeing to, and he even knew how to clean up if he really needed to. He didn't understand why he was supposed to need Kris in his life. What Kris was supposed to do for him.

But now, with Kris touching him - and oh it had been so long since he'd truly been touched, a touch that lingered and stroked and pressed all the right buttons - it wasn't nearly so baffling to consider keeping Kris in his life. To enjoy having him there, if only for things like this.

He lost track of the time, simply soaking up the feeling of another human touching him, the strange intimacy something as innocent as touch could evoke between the two of them. It was dark when Adam finally looked up to see the sun had finally sunk below the line of the trees on the grounds and the room was dark save for a light that he didn't remember turning on.

"You have magical hands." Adam said finally, a soft moan in his voice as he spoke.

"Just very well trained." Kris assured him, and rather than tense up the way he had in the past when Kris mentioned his training Adam simply nodded, for once he was more than pleased with this sort of training.

"I feel so much better, really. I didn't know you could do that." It had become to feel strange though with Kris standing behind him, and so though he almost hated to do it, Adam reached behind him catching a slim wrist in his hand and pulled Kris so that he would move.

He let his hand linger there on Kris' wrist, watching his face as he brought him to his side, letting Kris lean against the desk where he still sat. He licked his lips and considered, a thought that had rolled around in his mind for some time now, though it pushed its way to the forefront of his mind once Kris had begun to touch him. Adam wasn't nearly ready to lose that touch.

"Come to bed with me."

***

Kris was warm, even without his clothes, and Adam curled himself around Kris, his chest pressed flush to Kris' bare back. He needed this more than he could have said, needed to feel a body warm in his bed at night.

Pressing his face against Kris' shoulder Adam soaked up the feeling of him in his bed until they both slept.

* * *

  
Adam was gone that morning when Kris woke, but he couldn't help feeling a strange sense of accomplishment. Maybe things would get better after all; maybe this would be just the start of things between them. Kris had been worried the night before when he'd pressed at the line they drew between them. He'd had to take the chance, to make the suggestion. His training wouldn't let him ignore the opportunity. He was supposed to take care of Adam and Adam so obviously needed him, even if he'd never admit it himself.

And so he'd asked. Made the offer of what little comfort he could without completely destroying the delicate balance they'd worked so hard to build up between them. There were no words for how relieved he'd been when Adam had allowed it - he'd feared the moment he'd opened his mouth that he would ruin everything, but things had turned out better than Kris could have ever hoped them to.

He stretched out in Adam's bed, it was soft and far more expansive than his own, and Kris had liked sleeping there with Adam. Stars had he liked sleeping with Adam, he didn't need to give him sex to provide the comfort he was meant to - Kris could see that and hoped that Adam would see it as well. They could do this. He'd felt the way Adam was so starved for touch, the way he'd arched and pressed into his hands and then the way he'd wrapped himself around Kris after they'd gotten into bed.

They'd touched from shoulder to foot with an arm tossed around Kris' middle and it still had felt like Adam wanted more from him. Kris ached and wondered how long it had been for him - since his family had been killed, but possibly even before then. Kris didn't know how someone like Adam could go that long without being touched - he could see it in him, the toll it took.

There had been brief moments during their time together when Kris had been able to see a glimmer of the man Adam had been before the accident. The joy and vibrancy he'd had in him before the people he loved had been snatched from him. He kept it all under lock and key now, like he was afraid to let it out and really feel again. And Kris could only imagine the sort of toll it took to hold all of that life inside, to keep himself from living and feeling and having anything he wanted. Like he was paying some sort of penance for something he had no control over.

Kris hated it, wanted more than anything to be able to make that right for Adam again. Let him live the life he had always wanted for himself instead of keeping himself locked up in this house that was far too big for one person.

Things didn't get better though, or they didn't change as much as Kris had hoped they would. They still talked still shared small smiles occasionally, but Adam didn't invite him back to his bed again, and made sure not to work himself too hard so Kris didn't even have that excuse to touch him again. And Kris wished he knew how to fix this - Adam tried so hard to make it seem like nothing had changed but Kris had felt the shift. He could feel it in the way Adam looked at him now, the glances he stole when he felt like Kris was too occupied with his book, or too busy with his chores.

But Kris worked by rote, he'd completed the tasks often enough that he was able to watch Adam while he did them, take in the subtle changes in the other man. See when he looked at him, see the things he showed only when he let his guard down.

They needed more time, he'd told himself, that things would work - they would get better and Adam would let him break down those walls he'd built so tall.

He repeated those words to himself every day that week, every time Adam looked away from him just as Kris had raised his eyes to meet his gaze, every time Adam had stopped him from making the offer to rub his shoulders again, every time Adam opened his mouth at the end of the night - like he wanted to take Kris back to bed with him - but instead couldn't make himself say the words. He repeated them in a silent mantra, again and again until he could convince himself of their truth.

The transport swayed in a rhythmic sort of way and Kris let the motion settle his nerves. It had been several days since he'd gone to bed with Adam, days of longing glances and tentative conversations and he felt ready to burst. He was thankful that Adam allowed him this time to visit Allison. It was of course a bit strange for a companion to return to the Temple to visit a friend the way Kris did, but he needed someone to talk to openly and honestly the way he never could completely with Adam. And so Kris didn't worry himself terribly about what anyone else must think about him - he treasured these visits. And told himself Allison liked him coming around as often as he did, as well.

He watched the landscape shift and change as they moved from the relative peace of Adam's home so far outside the city into the more populated areas, tall buildings shooting up over the horizon over the line of trees that were all you could see from Adam's home. Kris doubted he'd ever get used to seeing the city like this; he'd called it home for so many years that it still felt right coming back there.

He liked the way the homes and buildings slowly cropped up slowly enveloping the transport as it moved closer to the heart of the city like they were welcoming him home - back to the one place where things still made sense.

Kris sighed, he shouldn't think like that - Adam made sense most of the time, he just had a lot of things to work through. Kris understood that, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with. And that was he liked going back to the Temple. Allison was a little crazy, but things were always easy with her. She liked talking to him, and she let him talk through the issues he was having with Adam. She made it so easy on him, and maybe it was wrong of him but he needed a little bit of time that was just easy. Just some time to rest his mind.

Pressing his face against the cool glass of the transport window Kris watched the scenery change, until they were truly in the city and nearing the Temple. He was looking out the right side window, watching buildings and people pass by and so Kris missed the second transport that came in their direction, missed seeing it but he couldn't miss feeling the way the world toppled over as it crashed into the side of them sending his world reeling. There was a ringing, somewhere far away but growing closer, Kris could hear it, everything hurt, sharp stabs of pain in his arm, his side, his head. Everything hurt. The ringing grew closer, closer and closer until there was nothing.

 

* * *

  
She had been waiting on Kris, right at the doors of the Temple, sitting on steps tapping her fingers against the top of her knees, humming a string of random notes to herself the way she always did when she was feeling impatient. Kris knew she hated to be kept waiting, and he was late - she would have to get after him when he got here. There were still things she had to do; her training wasn't complete just yet after all. But she had more free time now that she was nearing the end of her training and fast approaching her own assignment.

They said not to think about it too much, to focus on your training and forget about what your future held. You couldn't change the inevitable and thinking about it too much distracted from what was important. Allison had heard it said again and again. The Clerics did what they could to make sure the assignments were going to work, that was why Kris had gone for so long without an assignment, they were waiting for the right one.

Allison wasn't completely sure the assignment Kris had gotten was worth waiting for, he saw the way he was so worried about it, unsure of how to care for Adam properly. Allison wished there was something more she could do for her friend - but it seemed an ear and the occasional joke was all she could give to him.

"Allison!" She looked up from her feet when she heard her name, and saw Archie running up to her. "Allison come on, you've gotta come."

She frowned but she was on her feet without even thinking about it running toward her friend. "What, what happened."

"An accident."

***

The transport swayed slowly, gently back and forth, but the motion wasn't comforting to Allison now the way it usually was. She felt stretched too then, wound tight but without the benefit of an eventual release.

It had been ages since she had left the Temple, and she'd never been outside the city. On any other day she might have been thrilled to watch the landscape slowly change, the large sprawling buildings of the city shrinking and slowly disappearing until there was only grass. Wide and stretching out farther than she would have imagined possible.

But she couldn't focus on it, all she could see was Kris, Archie had taken her to the Healers. He was pale and those bright eyes full of laughter she loved so much wouldn't open when she came into the room. It was like he was sleeping, it almost would have been peaceful to see if Kris hadn't been so hurt. His face was red, one side all ready bruised and cut from broken glass.

It would take time to heal, she knew, but she hadn't been prepared to see her friend looking like that, and now it was all she could see.

After what seemed like ages, she would never give Kris a hard time about keeping her waiting again after having made this trip herself, she finally arrived at her destination. Adam's home was large, expansive - spreading out much larger than any one man, or any one man with a single companion truly needed. But then families of wealth rarely lived in places they actually needed.

She pushed aside her rude thoughts and rang the bell, and waited just long enough that she thought maybe Adam wasn't there, before the door opened.

"Yes?"

"Um… Hi." Allison guessed this would be Adam, Kris hadn't said anything about anyone else living there. "Are you Adam?"

"Yes. Can I help you?"

"I … I'm Allison."

"Allison?" She could see the confusion on Adam's face as he turned her name over and she wondered if Kris had talked to Adam about her, he must have she decided.

"Kris' friend." She filled in just in case he hadn't "From the Temple."

"Oh yes… you know he went to see you today, he hasn't gotten back yet."

"I know he did." She nodded; she was stalling, taking her time to keep from actually having to say the words out loud. "It's Kris." Allison could practically see the realization spread across Adam's face, he looked stricken.

"What happened?"

"There was an accident." She paused for a beat. "The transport he was on, it was hit … he's with the Healers, but he's not waking up. I just, I thought you should know. Someone should know." Her voice hitched and it grew hard to speak, tears filling her eyes.

* * *

It was exactly the same as the last time, the same words that same feeling of realization and horror all curling inside him making his stomach churn with fear. Only now it was Kris, it was the one person he still had in his life, the one remaining tie he had to humanity.

He went with Allison back to the City, the landscape passing by unnoticed as they sped toward the City, Allison's words replaying over and over in his mind. _It's Kris. There was an accident._ As soon as she had said Kris' name Adam had known he was dead. It was Allison delivering the news this time instead of the family executor, but it would be the same outcome.

But Kris wasn't gone, at least not from what Allison had told him. But she had gotten near hysterical toward the end - he needed to talk to the Healers to know for sure what was happening with Kris. To know that he would be all right. He hated these transports. For all their advances one would think something as simple as transportation would be safe, but Adam had learned not to trust it.

It turned out the Healers weren't able to tell him much more than what Allison had all ready given him. Kris was unconscious, and they weren't sure why, but he wouldn't wake. And so they were making him comfortable, monitoring his health, and keeping him for observation until he woke again. Adam heard the unspoken _if_ in their words. But he refused to listen to that sort of talk.

He'd lost so much all ready he couldn't lose Kris as well.

And so he sat with Kris, there beside his bed, in one of the most uncomfortable chairs he'd ever had the opportunity to use, watching over him. Allison was there as well; she sat with him for hours that first night, until the Healers had come in and tried to tell them both they would need to leave. But Adam would not budge, Allison did leave though - she had things to take care of at the Temple, but she would be back she'd promised him before disappearing for the night.

He sat in silence, just watching Kris, waiting for some sort of sign, something that might show him that Kris was coming back, that all of this wasn't just a waste of time, that Adam hadn't lost his tie to the world just yet. Not when things were still so strange between the two of them.

All he could do was sit there and watch Kris, the slow rise and fall of his chest, the way his eyes fluttered beneath their lids, and the way he didn't move at all. It was almost like Kris was sleeping - like everything was fine, the picture was ruined though by the bandages on his forehead and arms. And Adam hated seeing them there on Kris, the way they changed the look of him so significantly. He hadn't realized how something so small could change him so significantly and yet the difference was obvious.

"You should talk to him." Allison had told him one morning, she was there almost as often as he was, but she had responsibilities. Classes and training at the temple no doubt, but Adam hadn't asked - he'd been grateful for the company she gave him though, even if he didn't know how to act around her. She was Kris' friend, and he could see the pain she felt seeing her friend so hurt just looking at her. Very nearly the same sort of pain he felt himself looking at Kris laying there.

What was supposed to have just been a few hours had turned into a day, the Healers said that they didn't know what the problem was, that Kris should have been awake. All they could say was the longer he stayed like this, the longer he refused to wake the less likely it would be that he'd come back. Adam had told them to leave after that, yelled at them, thrown papers - the sheer physicality of his reaction to those words had surprised him later. When had Kris come to mean so much to him? HE couldn't have said for certain. All he knew was that he needed Kris, even if all they ever did for the rest of their lives was tiptoe around conversations with one another.

Maybe it was when Kris had touched him, the night Adam had leaned into Kris' sure fingers and let the tension slip out of him until there was nothing left. Maybe it had happened later that night when he'd wrapped himself around Kris and held him close and slept through the night for the first time since he'd gotten the news about his family. Or maybe it had happened before then, the day he'd worried about Kris after he'd disappeared. He didn't know for certain, all he knew was that he needed Kris - just like the Clerics had known he would - it had just taken time for him to see that. To admit the truth to himself.

Kris had tried so hard from the beginning, to figure out what it was Adam needed - it was why they made assignments in the first place - something was missing, he needed something; he needed something he wasn't getting, and wouldn't get without Kris' help. He'd bristled against that when he'd first gotten news that an assignment had been made. He didn't need help - he was living his life, and he wasn't hurting anyone, why did it matter that he spent all his time holed up in his family home forgetting the life he'd always wanted? It hadn't. Not at first, all that had mattered was that Neil and his mother were gone. It hurt too much to think about anything else.

It was so easy to blame himself, to take responsibility for their deaths. And now here he was again blaming himself.

When Allison left the second night, Adam started talking to Kris. He told him these things, how he blamed himself, for his brother, his mother, and now Kris. How he wouldn't survive if Kris didn't come back. How he missed the life he used to have, but to go back to it? It was like spitting on his mother and Neil, like what had happened to them didn't matter. All that mattered was him and what he wanted - just like before. He'd left them behind and it had gotten them killed.

He told Kris about his life, about life in the city, about Brad - that love he thought he'd had only to see it all disappear when things got too hard. But he'd pushed Brad away too, even before everything. He told Kris things he'd never told anyone else. He talked most of the night until he drifted to sleep.

***

"You're going to have a crick in your neck if you stay like that much longer." Allison woke him, after what was not nearly enough hours. And Adam jerked awake, pulled hastily out of a quickly forgotten dream to see that Kris hadn't changed at all. "How long have you been here?" She gave him a glance to take stock of him. Adam didn't even want to think of how bad he must look.

"Since you left." And she would know, he hadn't left at all. He'd been there with Kris since Allison had come to fetch him.

Allison shook her head. "Stand up." And she gave him a look when he opened his mouth to protest, "Do not make me say it again." She warned him, and Adam slowly got to his feet. She was right about his neck it seemed, gone were the days when he could pass out anywhere he found himself and feel fine a few hours later. "Now you are going to go downstairs and get something to eat, have some coffee and something to eat - and then you'll be allowed to come back."

At least she seemed to know better than to try and tell him to leave entirely. Because that wasn't happening until Kris woke. He'd have to see about some clothes or something though, and he wondered if any of his old friends might be able to do that for him. He pushed the thought out of his head though, told himself Kris would wake today and extra clothes wouldn't be something he had to worry about.

"You'll stay here?" He had to check though before he could leave.

Allison rolled her eyes at him. "Of course, I'm not leaving him alone, no go and eat before I have to start getting mean."

He huffed out a soft laugh, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck and nodded, before he left the room, looking back just long enough to see Allison sitting in the chair he'd just abandoned taking Kris' hand in hers as she began talking to him. He didn't stay to listen, he just left.

The halls were cold and stark, much like the room where they had Kris, and Adam moved slowly, lost in his thoughts as he moved without thinking until he some how managed to make it downstairs and got himself something to eat just like Allison had told him. He ate without tasting and burnt his tongue on the coffee - too hot, and tasting not quite right. He'd gotten used to it the way Kris made it for him each morning.

And when it was all gone Adam was on his feet again heading back upstairs, without looking at anyone or pausing to even look at himself. He paused just outside the door of Kris' room looking in through the window. Allison was still in the middle of whatever one sided conversation she had started with Kris, laughing while she spoke - like Kris was an active part in the conversation only she could hear.

He knocked once before he pushed open the door, just enough to give her a warning if she wanted to change the subject since he was back. Allison narrowed her eyes at him. "Did you really eat?" He asked him while she looked him over, like she could really tell if he'd eaten or not just by how he looked - and maybe she could - he didn't really know for sure, maybe it was something they taught at the Temple.

"Yes, I ate. You can go down and ask if you really want." He wasn't about to argue about whether or not he'd eaten with someone who looked too young to be able to look at him with such severe glances.

"Fine." She didn't move from his chair though, and so Adam pulled up a chair on the opposite side of the bed, leaning back slightly, feet kicked out in front of him, stretched out under Kris' bed.

"Have you been talking to him?" Allison asked, Adam who may or may not have been dozing took a moment to wrap his mind around the question and nodded. "A bit yeah." He nodded.

"What do you say to him?"

He was surprised at the question, and he shrugged. "I dunno, things I never told him about before - stories I think he'd like to hear."

"He said you two don't talk about some things, that he never really knows how to talk to you." Adam wasn't surprised that Kris had told Allison some of the problems he'd been having - he had made himself a problem after all. But he didn't know what to say to that statement; did she want him to agree with her? Or was she looking for something else? Adam didn't really know for sure.

"It was hard, at first, talking to him. I never talk to anyone, not for a few years at least - seemed strange to start talking to a stranger about things I'd never even talk about with people who were my friends." He shrugged; surprised he'd managed to say even that much to Allison who was even more a stranger than Kris had ever been. He didn't know her and she would be gone with this was all over. She didn't owe him anything after all. And yet he was glad she was there, she was easy to talk to and it was obvious she cared for Kris as much as, if not more, than he did.

And that couldn't be bad.

"I can understand that." She nodded, looking thoughtfully at Kris. "You know he waited for years for an assignment." She told him. "They thought about not giving him an assignment at all it had been so long that he'd gone without one. They used to talk about maybe having him start teaching some classes of his own." She shook her head like she couldn't really believe it.

"It would have been a terrible loss, and not just for you." She gave him a wry smirk. "Kris was made for this, I've never seen anyone take to the training the way he did, and he was there a few years before me of course, but you could just see it in him. He gives that line about helping his brother and all that - which yeah maybe that's what got him in the first place, but Kris feels right doing this." Adam started to feel like a heel as she went on, thinking about how much he'd denied Kris the opportunity to do his job, since he brought him home with him that day. What Kris must have been missing.

"All he wants is to make sure you're okay, I bet even now he'd be more worried about you than himself." She smiled fondly at her friend, her thumb tracing an invisible pattern on the back of his hand. "Maybe you could give him a break when this is all over." She didn't look at Adam as she spoke, just continued watching Kris. "Just let him make you happy, that shouldn't be so hard, should it?"

Adam could hear the question in her voice, like she was worried about what her own future held. And why shouldn't she? The rest of her life in the hands of men who thought they knew best, that would scare the fuck out of Adam - but he'd never worried about it and he still ended up with them meddling in his life.

Allison stood up after a few minutes of shared silence. "I have to go…classes." She explained. "Talk to him, he'd want to hear your voice. I'll be back later tonight, you better have eaten something before I get back or I'll have the Healers kick you out." She warned him before she patted his shoulder once and then disappeared.

The silence that filled the room weighed heavily on Adam's shoulders, he didn't like the way it wrapped itself around him and held him tightly. Allison had told him to talk to Kris.

***

One day turned into two, and then into three. Adam had managed to get some clothes, and even ducked out for a shower, but hadn't actually left since Kris had come in - he couldn't tear himself away from Kris, not yet. Not until he was awake again.

Healers had come and gone, checking Kris over for any change, but they didn't talk to Adam again, not after his outburst that first day. Not unless they had something significant to tell him - and they never did.

He and Allison took turns sitting with Kris, sometimes sitting together, talking to each other, talking to Kris together. And Adam was always there alone at night, just him and Kris; the Healers left them alone at night, their rounds picking up early in the morning. But for several hours Kris was just his. Like it was supposed to have been from the beginning. It was wrong now though. It didn't fit right, the way it should have.

It was there in the dark of night that Adam started to sing. The words to long forgotten songs coming back to him, as he pressed his face into his hands and hummed just the melody to start. Slow and disjointed, connected only in his mind until the words came, tying everything together in a simple harmony. It had been ages since he'd let himself sing anything, he used to always have a song with him, carrying it around humming it through out the day, humming in the shower. That he was able to so thoroughly block it all after was something that should have been depressing if it didn't hurt so much to think about.

He let himself focus on the lyrics, words he'd written years ago, and just let them fill the room and push away the darkness.

 

* * *

  
It was all darkness, there was nothing, nothing but floating. Kris wasn't even aware of himself honestly, just the nothing that surrounded him that wrapped itself so thoroughly around his brain and had pulled him down so deep. He wasn't ever going to see the sun again. Kris could feel it - it was too far above him, too far to reach again, he'd never see its face again. Feel it's warmth against his skin - all there was here was nothing.

It surrounded him, pushed him down deeper into it and wrapped him up until Kris forgot there was anything but darkness in the world. Memories and feelings all gone replaced by darkness and quiet. Just floating.

But then there was something, the darkness was pierced; it took Kris time to understand it - to picture a world with something more than just this.

It was warm, and Kris turned his face toward it - letting the feeling of it wash over his face and remind him of what that was like. Warmth instead of cold, light instead of dark. It slowly grew in intensity, what started out as a dull pulse in the dark became something more, something living breathing until it began to push the darkness away. And slowly Kris was enveloped by warmth instead of cold and he lived in a world of sensation instead of nothingness.

And the further the feeling wrapped itself around him the easier it was for Kris to make sense of it. To put a name to it - _Music_

Music, soft and sweet, and achingly gorgeous and it filled him with a longing for more of it. He wanted to reach for it, to pull it close and feel it in his chest and let it inform his being now, something anything but darkness again. But his arms didn't work right, they wouldn't move when he told them - wouldn't reach out the way he needed to.

But the Music flowed over him, washed away the darkness until there was none of it left, until it had him fully cocooned inside its sweet melodies. And he let it carry him, getting lost in it, in the same way he'd gotten lost in the darkness. But this didn't steal the rest of his senses - it didn't keep him captive, instead it freed him.

"You look awful." Kris' voice was hoarse, and he blinked slowly until Adam came into focus. He sat there beside him, face pressed into his hands. His clothes were a mess, and his hair was almost worse. It looked like he hadn't slept in days, maybe he hadn't even eaten in that time. And Kris wondered if there had been anyone to watch over him.

The shocking blue eyes that met his flooded with relief, an expression he never thought he'd see Adam wear. "Stars … you're… I'm not dreaming am I?"

Kris shrugged, not sure how to answer that. "I don't think you are, but if this was a dream would I know it?"

"Maybe." Adam agreed nodding, and he reached out taking Kris' hand in his, like he was afraid this wasn't real. Kris didn't know what to think, Adam hadn't wanted him in the beginning, he'd been a burden, something to shoulder, and they'd slowly built something like a friendship, but nothing that would have required this sort of a response. "I didn't … they weren't sure if you'd wake. There was an accident, when you went to see Allison."

It all came rushing back to him as he was pushed further into wakefulness. The transport the accident, the grinding crash of metal and glass, and the way the darkness had wrapped him up. "I remember some of it." Kris nodded; he might have preferred not to remember it though.

"Allison told me." Kris lifted his hand to the collar he had worn since the assignment was made, they would have contacted Adam, but who would they have sent? Someone who didn't know him, who knew how they would have given the news.

"How long ago?" Kris asked, licking his lips and wishing for something to drink - but there was nothing to be seen.

"It's been four days." Four days? That didn't seem possible. "Stars I didn't think…. I mean, you just, you can't do that to me again." Kris could see there was more Adam wanted to say, but he wasn't about to push it, instead he juts nodded.

"I won't." It wasn't really a promise he could make, but he could see Adam needed him to say it despite that.

And then Adam was on his feet, sitting on the side of the bed, and leaning down to press his lips against Kris'. It wasn't the sort of kiss shared by lovers, or even the kiss shared by friends - this one was filled with all the pain Adam had gone through in the last four days, the worry, the anger. Kris felt all of that as Adam pulled him close and kissed him. "Never again," he repeated, leaning his forehead against Kris'. "You understand me."

"Yeah." Kris nodded; he'd do what he could to never see Adam like this again.

"Kris!" The shout of his name had Adam jerking away from him and moving back to the chair he'd just recently vacated. And none too soon before Allison was jumping up into his place to wrap her arms around him, not at all gently.

"Ow, ow." He winced and at the same time pushed Allison off him. "Careful."

She looked properly abashed but grinned, and then smacked his arm - where thankfully he had remained uninjured up to that point. "You ever scare me like that again, Kristopher." She warned him glaring now, though she couldn't hold the expression for long.

"I know, I know. I've all ready promised not to do anything like that again." He assured her with a small smile. "So don't start in on me." She grinned and turned to Adam smiling for another moment. "Well I think the Healers would be happy to know you've thought better of dying, so I'll leave you two alone for a short while before I fetch them." She winked at Kris before she was gone from the room again just a moment later, leaving Kris feeling just a bit dazed about the whole thing.

"She was… very helpful through all of this." Adam explained seeing the look on Kris' face. "I can see why you like her."

* * *

  
Things back home were different than before. The accident had left its mark forever on their relationship. And there were times Kris wondered if things would have turned out the way they did if it had not been for those days he had spent unconscious. He would forever be grateful to Allison for her help with Adam, but most of all he would be thankful for Adam finally opening up to him.

It took time of course, no one could expect miracles after the sort of life Adam had lead, but they found a way that worked for them - a way that didn't involve tiptoeing around invisible lines, their conversations flowed freely over any sort of topic that the might like to talk about. Adam told Kris about his family, and Kris told him about his training, and they were even able to put some of that training to proper use.

There were easy touches, and music filled the house again.

Three months after the accident, Adam had decided to move. He would keep the family home, of course, but he missed the city. And Allison was becoming a regular visitor at the house - it made sense to move into the city again. The place where all his dreams had been and try a second time for the life he'd wanted for himself. It wouldn't be the same, nothing ever could be, but it could be something new with Kris' help.

"Leave those for later." Kris looked up from where he'd been preparing to wash the dishes at Adam's words. "Come out here." Adam extended a hand in invitation to Kris pulling him out onto the balcony to look at the stars.

They weren't as bright here in the midst of the city lights, but they were no less beautiful, he pulled Kris against his chest so they could both look up together. Soon though Adam became distracted, the feeling of Kris' body against his, and he had learned over the last six months just how responsive Kris could be for him. It was something he loved, and Kris never failed to delight him with his reactions.

While Kris continued looking up, Adam pressed a hand flat against his stomach, pressing him back with just the slightest bit more pressure while he dropped his lips to that point where Kris' neck met his shoulder. The sharp intake of breath was the only indication Kris gave that he enjoyed what Adam was doing now. Adam smiled knowingly against the skin, trailing lips teasingly over the skin that revealed itself to him slowly.

"If you wanted this you didn't have to lure me outside to show me the stars." Kris' tone was teasing, but Adam could hear the low undercurrent of desire there all ready. It took so little to wring a response from Kris.

"Maybe I wanted you to see them first." Adam murmured against Kris' neck, teeth bared and scraping thin lines along pale skin, there was just enough light that Adam could watch the trail of red bloom on Kris' skin.

"I've seen them." Kris leaned back against Adam, licking his lips.

"Good."

Adam liked taking his time, liked watching Kris slowly fall apart. In the beginning he'd been worried that all of this was just part of his training, that Kris could respond so eagerly only because he'd been trained to. But after all the times they'd done this, seeing how much Kris wanted it each and every time – Adam knew he couldn't fake this. Kris was just too bad a liar to manage that.

It was easy with Kris, after Adam stopped being so hung up about the whole thing, it was easy to be with him. Just like it had been easy to talk to him from the start. Once Adam stopped trying to hold everything back, everything he so wanted to share but felt like he couldn't, once he broke down the walls, it was only ever easy.

He let his hand slide lower, pressed flat against Kris' stomach and working its way down, until his fingertips dip beneath the fabric of Kris' jeans, pushing lower until he's covering Kris' cock. Feeling him all ready hardening, thick and warm in his hand.

"Adam." The words were a plea from Kris' mouth, and Adam could feel the way he didn't know if he should press into his hand or lean back into him. Like he wanted both but couldn't decide which he wanted more.

Adam chuckled, low and dark "I've got you." He promised, "always got you, baby. Reach out and grab the rail for me." Adam licked his lips and watched the way Kris moved so eagerly for him, like all he wanted was to do what he was asked. "That's right; arch your back for me." Adam nodded, directing Kris, though he didn't need it, until he was just how he wanted him. The move was practiced though, Kris knew how to angle his body just right, how to arch his back and press his hips back, how to tilt his neck and spread his legs so that Adam was incapable of resisting him.

He didn't waste time teasing Kris, not tonight – maybe another night, when he had more patience, but seeing Kris like this, Adam just couldn't keep it up. He pulled at Kris' jeans pushing them down just enough until they stopped midway down Kris' thighs. It was enough though, for now – later when they were in bed, he'd want Kris naked. Bare skin, smooth and pressed against his own, but not now.

Adam could just picture Kris, the look on his face, the way he would be biting his lip just waiting, trying not to beg. He would before it was over of course, Adam always managed to wring it out of him, but for the moment Kris held back.

Slicking up a finger without preamble Adam slid it between those pert cheeks pressing against Kris' opening. "Open for me." He breathed against the back of Kris' neck, tongue tracing lines against the skin there while he eased first one finger into Kris, working it in and out slowly, and then a second. "You want another? Or are you ready for me?"

"_Fuck me_… stars please." He could see the way Kris was biting his lip now, he'd turned his face toward him as he spoke. Adam never liked making Kris wait, not when he asked so nicely.

A few quick strokes of his cock to slick himself and Adam had replaced his fingers with the blunt head of his cock. And with firm insistent pressure he entered Kris. One hand gripping himself the other on Kris' hips as he pushed into him. "Stars, so tight for me. Always so tight."

Kris' mouth was open wide in a silent _Oh_ of pleasure as Adam filled him, and only when he had bottomed out did Adam grip Kris' hips with both hands. And he started to drive himself relentlessly into Kris, feeling the way Kris opened for him, took him in again and again all the while gasping out his pleasure in the act.

The sight of it was always enough to send Adam hurtling toward the brink far too soon, but in combination with the sounds Kris made and the eventual pleading of _Oh Stars, oh please, oh fuck, please Adam please, please, please, please, please_ was enough to send any man to the edge before he was truly ready, and Kris managed it every fucking time.

"Look at the stars." Adam leaned in, his breath hot against Kris' ear, a hand leaving Kris' neck to rest against his throat, angling his neck up so that he'd look where Adam wanted him to. "Now come, come for me, Kris." Adam bit at Kris' neck, the sharps of his teeth biting into smooth skin, making Kris cry out and clench around him, coming hard simply because Adam told him to. And it only took one, two, three, and four more thrusts for Adam's hips to stutter in their movements and drive himself home once more before he was flooding Kris. His body wracked with the last few shuddering breaths of his orgasm, until Adam couldn't keep himself up and he had to lean forward one arm alongside Kris' on the railing and his forehead pressed against Kris' shoulder.

***

Later, in bed, Adam wrapped himself around Kris, pulled him close and breathed in the scent of soap after their shower, and that underlying scent of his Kris. This was what he had been missing.

Not the sex, and not the talking, not even the music, but it was this. This place here at the end of the day, where he could come and know he was safe. Where he knew he could just simply be. Where he was home.

He hadn't wanted Kris in the beginning, in fact, he told himself he hated the very idea of having Kris in his house, but what he hadn't realized then was what Kris would bring to him. What Kris would give to him as he grew to know him better.

Adam pressed his lips to the mess of brown hair just beneath his chin, and tucked Kris against his body for the night. Knowing this was home.

 

_End_


End file.
